Motivation, fear and adversity; a strange combination.
Having to deal with adversity in my own life taught me it should not be feared but should be
embraced. It has taught so much. A college professor and mentor told me upon graduation,
“You have something no one can take from you…education.” Even though, truly valuing
education it had not been thought of in that way. Education comes in many ways the most
obvious being through formal education but the tougher way…life and experiences. Learning
through others and experiences are not taught in an institution.
Moving out of a comfort zone is where most learning occurs but can cause the most fear.
When anxiety strikes like a spitting cobra ask, “Have you been here before?” “What happened
then?” “ Was it really so scary that it could never be remedied?” There are so few things that
are concrete and will never change. When I lost money I gained experience in learning what is
important. I realized that fear is a snake I can’t let into my life.
Fear wants you to say, “I can’t do that.” It comes from something not yet learned but our brains
are hardwired for optimism so fear becomes less “fearful.” In skiing you can stand at the top of
a mountain and convince yourself that reaching the bottom cannot be done or conversely start
down the hill and learn how it is done.
Adversity can be a very fearful situation. Adapting to change becomes a necessity in dealing
with adversity. Without the ability to adapt life would come to a screeching halt. It is a certainty
that there will be adversity the uncertainty is how we choose to deal with that adversity.
Adapting to change is necessary for survival.
Some think that illnesses came to those who were weak but actually illnesses present
themselves and the choices in how we deal with that experience makes us stronger. This is the
difference between a survivor and one who gets by. It was Thoreau who said, “to die never
having lived.” That is what can happen with fear when confronted by adversity. Our true sense
of self arises when we are tested by adversity.
Having been born with a disability and realizing choices must be made and those are not if a
disability is present but how to make choices in dealing with it. What to do with it? Do I
consider myself special? No, because choices were not made to have a disability. We were all
given this life and we need to work with what we have.
Responsibility comes with the perception given to others; not to be perceived as disabled.
Never being bullied in school since there was no real perception of a difference. Not being
sheltered by any means, my parents bought roller skates and sent me out into the street to
learn. They bought a bike and taught me to ride along side other children. It is all about
perception. Not allowing people to see a real difference, they don’t. Things may have to be
done in a different way but the end result is still the same. Back to the skiing analogy, skiing a
large mountain while I may ski fast or faster than someone with two legs but I do it on one leg
and with outriggers. The end result is the same. We all end up at the bottom of the mountain.
Our experiences may differ but the end result is still the same.
Do I define myself relative to adversity; no. Not knowing any other way to live, never having had
two legs; never jumping out of my bed at night to run to the bathroom. Having to get up, grab
my crutches and walk to the bathroom but never knowing what it is like to step out of bed
putting two feet on the floor. Same thing accomplished? Yes!
There is a difference between having a congenital issue and developing a problem realizing
true loss. Being born with one leg, at sixteen and developing insulin dependent diabetes.
Diabetes was a huge loss in my life changing the entire future. The life known just one day
before no longer existed. Facing mortality at only sixteen. Never remembering saying that life
wasn’t “fair.” Remembering acting out, not taking insulin and basically making it difficult for
everyone around me. At sixteen being told not worry about living long enough to be a
grandmother or that many diabetics go blind within the first seven years. That was the reality in
1975. It is not the reality today.
Nothing in life is without change. Medical advances have changed. There is laser surgery for
eyes. Having had several surgeries this became a reality. No longer testing urine and going to
the hospital for regular blood sugar tests but going to the doctor for blood tests four times a
year that are far superior tests than in 1975. Doing regular blood sugar tests a few times a day
and wearing a sensor checking my blood sugar every few minutes is my new reality. With a
pancreas no longer working, now wearing an insulin pump pumping insulin every few minutes.
The prosthesis has a computer in the knee with a battery recharging every evening. Things do
not stay the same. It does get better.