Monday, May 13, 1984
Okay! So…I decided to go!
I arrived in New York via Pittsburg at 2:00 PM. I thought John would meet me there, looking all around, I didn’t see him. I thought, “I’ll wait until 2:15 before I worry.” I kept thinking that maybe this was a mistake and what if he didn’t come at all. “How well did I know him anyway?” I thought. “Yes, he has called almost every day since we met over two months ago.” My mind ran through every scenario. I bought the tickets on my credit card, hoping he would reimburse me for my visit as he had promised. It was 2:30 when I began to panic even more. “What had I done?” “How am I going to pay for this ticket if he doesn’t show up?” I had not only invested my feelings for him, but I had invested a paycheck or two!
At 2:45, he reached me totally out of breath. He had asked how far it was from the British Airways Terminal to the TWA Terminal, and the response had been, “Not far.” It turns out it was far, and it took him over half an hour to walk the distance carrying a bag. When we walked out to the curb, he hailed a limousine to take us to the hotel.
We arrived at the Holiday Inn on 57th, ready to check-in. We had not slept together at this point. Before the visit, we agreed to have separate rooms. He explained that he didn’t want me to feel uncomfortable. I thought it had something to do with his wife calling and finding out about me. I was still undecided about what I would do.
We both changed clothes and got ready to go sightseeing. The first thing we did was walk to Central Park, and as we walked around the park, John asked if I would like to ride in a horse-drawn carriage. How could he have known this had been a dream of mine. I was taken around Central Park in a horse-drawn carriage with the man I had fallen in love with just two months before. It was as romantic as any Hallmark Movie.
The carriage took us to The Plaza Hotel. We jumped from the carriage and headed toward the Oak Bar for drinks. I tried to talk to him about things as in, “What are we doing?” “What is going to happen?” For every question I asked, he had a way to defer to something else. I was hoping for some resolution or, at the least, a promise or at least some hope. I got none of those.
We went back to the hotel and asked for a recommendation for a great place to eat. They said that just down the road was a great restaurant called Patsie’s. When we arrived, the Maitred’ noted that Frank Sinatra ate there quite often. That became quite obvious by all of the photos of Pasty and Frank together. We were introduced to our waiter, Artie, who ordered everything for both of us. I had veal, something I had never eaten before. John was opening my eyes to so many new things just hours after our arrival. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t traveled or even as if I hadn’t been to NYC before. I had never been with someone like John and, quite frankly, when I had been there before, we did everything as cheaply as possible. We had hamburgers and street food, no veal. We both had too much to drink and took a taxi back to the hotel.
Going to our respectable rooms, I showered and went to bed. During the night, both the drinks as well as the worry must have gotten to me. I had been sick to my stomach with anxiety the whole day and each day following.
The following morning, John had to work on Wall Street and see various insurance companies and clients. I ate breakfast at McDonald’s, a far cry from the previous evening. As I walked, I came upon the Museum of Modern Art, but it wasn’t open, so I went on. As I walked, I passed all the huge stores, one better known than the previous one. I tried to decide what to do first because NYC had become the world’s largest shopping mall for me. I walked past The Plaza, remembering the previous evening with a smile and no one else knew why, but I knew I was in love.
I decided to walk to Bloomingdales, and I walked the entire seven floors, unable to afford a single thing. I ate lunch in one of the restaurants, thinking I could splurge. As I walked back toward the hotel, I found a payphone to call my friend, Lisa. I was so excited to share the previous day that I walked back to the hotel on, what seemed, a cloud. I showered and rested until John came back.
We were off for drinks when John took me to the Parker Meridian just down the road. It was amazing. My eyes were so wide open. I’m surprised they stayed inside my head. I had never seen such a hotel. We had drinks, but I don’t know if I was still hungover from the night before or if it was that lingering concern. I wanted to speak to him earnestly, but it ended up being another evening of deflection. He didn’t want to talk about his family or anything other than that evening.
From the Parker Meridian, we left for a beautiful meal at a French restaurant nearby. John wanted to take me to The Limelight, but we found it was closed. Instead, we decided to go to Sybil’s Disco at the Hilton. After having a drink, we were both too tired and headed back to our hotel, where we made love for the first time. Suddenly, all the worries that caused me to be sick earlier were forgotten. I honestly was in love. I had been in love before, but this was different. I knew that I had just made love to the man I had hoped to have a future. John went back to his room late into the evening.
After John left the room, fear, hesitation, and anxiety washed over me. I was not drunk, but I began vomiting. Fear had always had this effect, and being with a married man was probably the ultimate fear for me at that point in my life. I knew it was wrong, but he kept telling me that he didn’t live with his wife and that his children were all away at school. To me, married was married.
The following day was another day of sightseeing, and I was off to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The art was unreal to me. To see all of this art in one place was so compelling. Louisville had nothing like this!
I had never felt like this. I went to the cafe in the museum to eat my lunch. Within minutes a Swiss gentleman asked if he could join me. We spoke for quite some time. Suddenly, men were paying attention to me. I went away to college, and those young men my age showed a lot less interest. I had dated and even been in love with someone, but it seemed as though my life had taken a huge turn. Maybe it was the way I saw everything around me differently, but my life had changed, and it seemed as though it was never to return. I could not go back to being the naive person I was before.
I began walking back to the hotel and had a shower. John came back early so we could go to see a Broadway show. A BROADWAY SHOW! We saw Noises Off and left before it finished. Neither of us enjoyed it. We crossed the street to have dinner and still not the conversation I had hoped. Once we finished eating, we took a cab to The Limelight, an old converted church that was now a famous nightclub and disco. I had no idea that a disco could be like this. We saw a performer I had never heard of, but John knew him from London called Gary Glitter. We both enjoyed the evening together. It would be our last night together…for a while anyway.
I awoke the next morning with tears in my eyes. I cried all during breakfast. John didn’t like seeing me so upset, but I had just lived the past few days as if they were something I could not have never dreamed. I had planned a visit to a friend in Hudson, NY, and my train was leaving from Grand Central Station. John went with me to the station, which only delayed the inevitable. He carried my bags to the train platform and then onboard, not wanting to say goodbye. I found a seat. I looked from the window, and I saw him rushing back inside just for one more look. Finally, the train pulled away as my eyes filled with tears. These were not only tears of loss but tears of love.
I was on my way to Hudson, and John was on his way back to London with four thousand miles between us once again.